


Trust Me, Cas

by LeslieWinters



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Asylum, Blood, Destiel - Freeform, F/M, Gen, Hallucinations, Jewish Castiel, M/M, Mental Illness, Mental Institution, Nurse Meg Masters, SPN - Freeform, Self-Harm, Supernatural - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-19
Updated: 2017-07-19
Packaged: 2018-12-04 08:06:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,125
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11551020
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LeslieWinters/pseuds/LeslieWinters
Summary: Castiel doesn't know how to deal with the emotions stirred up inside of him, so he resorts to something risky. [Self-harm Content Warning]





	1. Chapter 1

Castiel was backed against the wall with the knife to his own arm; he was sobbing, arm crimson with blood. There were fresh cuts up and down and across his left wrist, he was a sniffling mess, his face was irritated from crying so much. It looked like he hadn’t slept in days. The bags under his eyes were deep and his beard was starting to become overgrown. The blade of the knife dripped blood and he was starting to get light headed. “Get away from me,” he grunted, starting to see double.

“Cas, please,” Dean came towards him in a non-threatening manner, hands up, easing him back. Tears formed in his eyes, looking at the mess before him, “Please give me the knife.”

He knew Cas had problems of suicide and self-harm in the past, but he didn’t know it could get this bad. Biting his lip, a tear slipped his eye and he blinked hard, giving an uneasy breath. Trying to go another step towards Cas, it didn’t work, he only lowered the knife into his skin, warning him that if he came any closer he’d cut again.

“How—“ Castiel felt the wet blade pressing into his oozing skin, “how do I know you’re even real? How do I know you’re not going to hurt me?” More tears slipped out of his eyes as he talked to Dean, he didn’t know if he was hallucinating this whole thing again or not. He would often hallucinate Dean and Lucifer, sometimes even Sam, telling him he was worthless, needed to die, needed to cut more. 

“Please,” Dean sobbed out, “Cas, I’m real, you just have to trust me,” he rarely sobbed in front of others, he struggled with toxic masculinity thanks to his father. But he always had a soft spot for Cas, so seeing this first hand tore him up inside and out. The blood spilled out of his arm relentlessly, which shook Dean’s core. He had to do something now.

Castiel shook his head in protest, “No you’re not, you’re just saying that..” the knife was lifted up from his arm and he held it at his side. A pang of relief filled Dean’s chest, but the tension between them was still hot and heavy.

“Come on, let’s go to your room.. get out of the kitchen and just.. listen to your favorite music, yeah? Maybe even turn on Netflix, get calmed down,” Dean offered. He knew he had to stop the bleeding, but he had to get the knife out of his hand first. Persuading him to put it down just might work.

His broken blue eyes searched around the kitchen as if looking for an answer. None of the hallucinations would ever offer him nice things, so he was lost on what to do in this situation, convinced Dean was a hallucination. “I..” his shoulders slumped down, his defensive stance dropped as he zoned in and out of staring at the kitchen’s floor, sink, and walls.

Dean took the opportunity to advance towards Cas and grabbed his wrist that held the knife steadily and held his other hand gingerly, getting Castiel’s blood on him. A little gasp came out of Cas, he stood rugged against the wall, being held down by Dean. It took everything in him not to give in and collapse in his arms. More tears whelped up in his sad blue eyes, “Dean?” his voice broke, just realizing that he wasn’t a hallucination, “You’re not going to hurt me?” All Dean could do was shake his head as he worked his hand down to the knife and pried it from Cas’ hand and threw it behind him, letting it clatter against the tile. It splattered blood on the floor, but that was the least of Dean’s worries right now.

He hoisted Castiel up bridal style and rushed him to his room and sat him on his bed. Cas’ room was simple; it had a bed, a nightstand and a flat screen TV across from the two. His comforter was a nice yellow color, but now it was being stained with red with his arm spread out from his side. Dean rushed out of the room and got the emergency first aid kit they kept in the kitchen and came back to Castiel sobbing, flat on his back, saying ‘sorry’ over and over. He covered his face with his other hand as he cried out.

Sitting down next to him, Dean opened the kit and kept reassuring him that he didn’t do anything wrong. There was rubbing alcohol, a sewing kit, scissors, band aids, gauze, the whole package in that little case. He took off his own outer shirt and pressed it against Cas’ wounds, trying to stop the blood flow from pouring out onto his bed.

“You’re going to be okay,” he tried to calm him down, but all Cas could do was shake his head and let his sobs take control of him. Dean tried his best to calm him down, but it seemed like Cas was convinced he wasn’t alright. Looking at him, he was pale and sweating, and in that condition, Dean thought he probably needed a blood transfusion; which he couldn’t do here at home. Biting his lip he stopped putting pressure on his arm and pulled out his phone, saying, “Cas, I’m going to need to call the ER.”

“No! No, no, no,” he cried out, lifting his head, “They’ll lock me up, Dean, they’ll put me on drugs,” he blubbered and shook his head even more, looking at him. But it was too late, Dean had already dialed 911 and provided an address and information, then immediately hung up. At that moment, Castiel felt his heart shatter into a million pieces, he couldn’t believe that this is what it had to come to. He couldn’t believe that Dean would betray him like this.

Castiel’s face was painted with disbelief and fatigue as Dean went back to keeping the pressure on his wounds. Lying his head back down, he stared at the ceiling and thought about going to a place like that. Not an ER, no. He closed his eyelids and stopped crying almost instantly; he wasn’t scared or sad anymore, he was angry. Dean had sold him out to a mental institution.

 

 

 

 

 

 


	2. Trust Them, Cas

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The aftermath of Castiel's choices.

“Okay, Mr. Novak, I’m going to need you to undress now,” the nurse said kindly. His head rushed he was so agitated. Once the ambulance came and got him, they brought him to the ER and pumped him back up full of blood. Then from there, they admitted him to the nearest facility. It was nearly 5AM now, arriving at 3AM, and the registration process was almost finished. Slipping off his shoes and socks, he started to regret not completely killing himself earlier. He unbuckled his belt and sat it down on the chair behind him.

“I’ll take that,” the nurse watched Castiel’s every move with an outstretched hand. 

“Why?” he asked quizzically. 

“Because it’s safer,” he replied.

Please, he thought, if I wanted to hang myself we wouldn’t be here. 

But he obeyed and handed it over, then continued to undress by unbuttoning his pants and unzipping them, sliding them down his legs. Cas took off his sweater and felt completely exposed at this point, but this wasn’t where he had to stop. If he stopped now he didn’t know what would happen, so he dropped down his underwear too and stepped out of it. His face was hot with embarrassment, he’s never been naked in front of someone before, let alone a complete stranger. 

“Show me your arm?” the nurse requested. Castiel held out his arm that he had cut up and down and the nurse asked if that was the only place where he self-harmed and he said yes.

“Okay, now turn around for me,” turning around obediently, once the nurse wrote down whatever he needed to on his clip board. 

“Alright, you can get dressed,” it was brief but degrading. All Cas can think about was Dean and how he had gotten him into this awful situation. He pulled up his underwear and pants, buttoning it and zipping it back up, he put his sweater back on, feeling the sting of the cuts against his sweater was raw and painful. It was kind of Dean to show compassion, but he didn’t know what awaited him on the other side of the registration door. 

“Alrighty, then, time for you to get to your room. Finally, right?” he gave a little chuckle, but Cas had a straight face and sat down, putting his socks on. 

“Oh, and we’ll need your shoes,” he said as he knelt down and took them from beside him and put them next to the belt. Castiel gave a confused look, but then later realized it was because of the laces. He was guided through a labyrinth of halls that then lead to another building, where a key card was needed to enter. The building he was lead into was quiet and looked like a hospital with carpet, except dimmer. To his immediate right was a desk area with thick glass framed with wood covering the receptionists from the outsiders. There was an area where they can freely go in and out of via a small gate that wasn’t covered by any glass, a nurse was waiting in front of the gate for him. 

Disoriented and weak from sleepiness, Cas looked at her and she said, “You must be Castiel, I’m Megan.” She had shoulder length brown hair and had character scrubs on, she was about 5 inches shorter than Castiel, he nodded, confirming he was indeed Cas. 

“I’ll be taking care of you at night and in the morning. Between those times you’ll be watched over by other nurses. But you don’t need to worry about that right now, first why don’t I show you your room?” She looked happy, way too happy to work in a dull place like this. He followed after her down a dark hallway. The place smelled like a hospital, even, it was all bizarre, but he had his own room. She stopped by an open door and flicked the light on for him so that he could see. 

“You have your bed, two thin blankets, if you need more let me or someone else know, a pillow, and your own private bathroom. The bathroom has towels already in there as well as soap and shampoo. Breakfast is at 8, but you don’t have to worry about that, considering you came in so late. Right now all we expect from you is some sleep,” she said with a small smile, “Considering you had such a rough night. You deserve a good rest.” 

Castiel sighed and shuffled his way into the room. The bed had looked like you could be strapped down into it at any given time, and there was a window across from it, locked and thick of course. There was also an air conditioner underneath the window that blasted cold air out which made Castiel shiver a little. But at least it was working so it wasn’t so hot in his room. 

“I’ll leave you to settle in and get some rest. I’ll see you later tonight, Castiel.” 

Cas sat down on the bed and looked at Megan as she closed the door, which had no locks on it. He let out another sigh and looked down at his feet. All he had on were his mix matched socks of bees and a honey comb pattern. They were going to get dirty for sure now that they had his shoes, but he supposed he could always ask Dean to bring his slippers. 

Tears started to form in his eyes, he didn’t want to think about Dean and what he did to him. Taking the covers and wrapping them around him, he shivered a bit from the air blasting out so harshly. He gripped it tight and closed his eyes and prayed to his god out loud with a whisper barely leaving his lips. 

“Dear Yah,” he started, “please protect the ones I love tonight. Protect Dean, too, and please, forgive me for being so angry with him.. Protect Sam, please, I’m not sure how he is in this situation, but please protect him.” He took a shaky breath and continued, “Please protect me.. I don’t know what’s going to happen to me.” A tear slipped from his eye and fell across his nose and onto the pillow sheet, “Hallelujah..” wiping the tear away from his face, he bundled up tighter and tried his best to sleep. Scared of what waking up had in store for him.


End file.
